I view myself as a badass. I am ready to fight at any given moment. Whether it’s my autoimmune diseases or a cold. A full work week or some conflict that may unfold… I’m on it. Not because I win every time but because I always get back up.
Especially in fighting Mr.Lupus and Ms.RA, I’m a Ninja. I can totally picture myself putting on a Prada black n fushia blingy ninja warrior body suit. I’d have swords or nunjucks and I’d Ninja the shit out of everything … Mr. Lupus and Ms. RA would come to attack me and I’d Ninja the shit out of them with backflips and high kicks …screaming with determination like MJ does in his “Scream” video. Ahhhhhhhh!!!!
And after I’ve won the battle, I’d limp home, take a 600mg Advil, Epson salts bath, then straight to my bed. That’s right…I’m a badass.
These last few weeks I’ve lost several battles. Not because I didn’t fight well but because I let my stubbornness and pride get in the way of listening to my body.
I was tattooed during the very end of a Lupus flare in the greatest heat wave of the summer and then threw a BBQ the next day. My new ink is on my inner bicep and inner elbow. The easiest place to get infected. I just thought I was such a pro at tattoo healing that I would cover it with a cotton sleeve and be good to go. Well… I forgot that my kitchen is three floors and three steep staircases away from my backyard. I also forgot the fact that I would be going up and down and up and down and UP and DOWN them …for 8 straight hours!! … Nor did I think it was an issue when I had a water fight or when the blood soaked through the cotton sleeve… Yeah … That’s right … I’m brilliant…* insert eye roll*
Not only did the tattoo get infected, Mr. Lupus decided to attack it as well. I am now suffering from a significant Lupus flare that I haven’t had in years…Brilliant…right??!!
This battle knocked me to my knees.. literally. Many moments of tears and feelings of failure. There were a few days I honestly thought I was going to give up and give in. BUT I had to work and parent my child and so I worked and parented my child and fell into bed every night for two weeks. I got up every morning, put on my Ninja suit with pretty shoes and faced the day. Yeah, that’s right…I’m a badass. *Insert another eye roll*
More like Jackass…
I’m actually very lucky that my infection cleared enough to still receive my infusion. If you are on antibiotics and/or have an infection of any kind or have an open wound, you cannot receive your biologic meds. Not once did this cross my mind. I could have really messed up my treatment and set myself back a year of being in remission.
AND on top of all this, I attend my infusion not hydrated enough so my veins collapsed. It took three… THREE tries!!! During the second attempt, the IV went through the vein and ballooned. No one’s fault really but the dehydration didn’t help. You’d think I’d learn… But no… Hydration is the 101 of biologic infusions.
I let my warrior tenancies get in the way of realistic and healthy choices. I rarely think of myself first and I strongly believe in mind over matter however I need to listen to my body. I need to respect the messages it is sending me. I need to hear it… Loud and clear. If I am going to outlive these diseases, I need to put my body first.
Us…the chronic illness suffers, Us…the warriors… are warriors even when we need to lay down or sit or cancel plans. Its ok to say no to a task or no to plans. It is also ok to ask for help. We don’t have to be ON or the badass Ninja 100% of our battle. We are true warriors in just being honest with ourselves and focusing on what we need to continue the fight. We are true warriors for not giving up in whatever capacity that looks like.
So keep fighting, listen and prioritize the messages your body sends you.