Written on Jan 22, 2017
It’s been an emotional roller coaster this week. With Trump being sworn in and Obama leaving, the incredibly massive women rights march, and a surprisingly unexpected starting of a significant relationship that will now become a long distance one. With emotions that are global and some personal; it feels as though a whirl wind has entered my body and stirred up an emotion party.
Even though I am Canadian, I am afraid with what Trump might have in store for his Country. I’m not going to lie nor pretend that I am not concerned for my geographical neighbors or that I’m not concerned for us, Canadians. I am an extremely empathetic person. I love mankind and feel for all those who suffer and are enduring hardships. My demeanor, the tough exterior I play, is my defense mechanism. It protects me from becoming a puddle and allows me to function. My mother and father both, were activists in the civil rights movement, and with being an interracial couple this caused them to experience many defeats. BUT they didn’t give up; many during that time stood for civil rights and won. Yesterday’s show of inclusiveness was abundant. It was overwhelming and enlightening to observe; all races, genders and creeds standing up for all women. People all over the world took a stance against the recent threats made against women, their values and most importantly their choices. It was one of the most powerful events to witness. This triggered many occurring events in my life, decisions I’ve made and it made me think of the relationships that surround me.
In my 43 years of life, I have pondered the meaning and evolution of my relationships often. I have come to the realization that each individual has a different definition of relationships and in that, there are no errors…. just differences. Everyone that comes into your life whether it be short-term, long-term or for a quick moment, has value. The purpose is for you to take that value and apply it as a lesson to enhance your being. As I evaluate my relationships, I realize that each relationship has its own function, and that my expectations in that relationship are my own and I cannot compare nor transfer those expectations unto others or presume that because I am the common denominator in those relationships that each one will function the same.
When you are chronically ill, it changes your relationships. You begin to assess every relationship based on loyalty, understanding and support. Well…understanding a chronic illness is difficult especially when it’s invisible. Most people cannot understand what they can’t see. This sets them up to fail. Unfortunately it is up to you whether or not you allow them to experience your vulnerability. You will have those relationships that will hold you up without you needing to ask and you will have some where asking for the support is a perquisite to receiving it. You will meet someone who you bond with immediately and some you can’t fucking stand at just one glance. You absolutely will have loved ones who will need to hear how you are every day, and some that can’t deal with your pain.
This is life, take it at face value. I have many friends that only have to look into my eyes and know that I am full of shit about my pain and many that have no clue. Although… I do have to acknowledge that every single person that I have allowed into my life would have my back… all I have to do is ask. They would do anything for me and love me in their way.
You cannot get through life without love, support, and acceptance. You cannot deal with your disease alone. If you were to assess your relationships in this exact moment… who’s got your back? Who would stand for you? Who would march for you? If you can name one… one can be enough. If it isn’t… find them.
2 thoughts on “Who’s got your back??”
You touch on some very emotional thoughts. I loved reading your story. I truly am just now in the process of being diagnosed with RA or some kind of autoimmune something going on. I go back in 2 weeks for results. I have learned through my daughter’s chronic illness that people are full of it. They say they are there for you as long as you don’t actually need. them. Some people will always come through for you they are your rocks, your people or whatever you want to call them. I find that the few I have are family and the family I have made through the hospital for my daughter, the other dialysis/kidney families, the other parents whose children had some kind of chronic illness, you learn a lot and you form a bond that is simple, you don’t have to explain it to them, they simply get it. Best to you.
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Thank you so much for sharing.. I hope my journey has given you some comfort or inspiration .. I will continue to blog.. I have to find someway of turning this hell.. cause that is what it is at times into something I can be proud of .. all the best to you .. the medical process can be exhausting
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