Written  on Jan 22, 2017

It’s been an emotional roller coaster this week.   With Trump being sworn in and Obama leaving, the incredibly massive women rights march, and a surprisingly unexpected starting of a significant relationship that will now become a long distance one.   With emotions that are global and some personal; it feels as though a whirl wind has entered my body and stirred up an emotion party. 

Even though I am Canadian, I am afraid with what Trump might have in store for his Country.  I’m not going to lie nor pretend that I am not concerned for my geographical neighbors or that I’m not concerned for us, Canadians.     I am an extremely empathetic person.   I love mankind and feel for all those who suffer and are enduring hardships.   My demeanor, the tough exterior I play, is my defense mechanism.   It protects me from becoming a puddle and allows me to function.  My mother and father both, were activists in the civil rights movement, and with being an interracial couple this caused them to experience many defeats.   BUT they didn’t give up; many during that time stood for civil rights and won.   Yesterday’s show of inclusiveness was abundant.  It was overwhelming and enlightening to observe; all races, genders and creeds standing up for all women.  People all over the world took a stance against the recent threats made against women, their values and most importantly their choices.  It was one of the most powerful events to witness.  This triggered many  occurring events in my life, decisions I’ve made and it made me think of the relationships that surround me. 

In my 43 years of life, I have pondered the meaning and evolution of  my relationships often.   I have come to the realization that each individual has a different definition of relationships and in that,  there are no errors…. just differences.   Everyone that comes into your life whether it be short-term, long-term or for a quick moment, has value.   The purpose is for you to take that value and apply it as a lesson to enhance your being.    As I evaluate my relationships, I realize that each relationship has its own function,   and that my expectations in that relationship are my own and I cannot compare nor transfer those expectations unto others or presume that because I am the common denominator in those relationships that each one will function the same.

When you are chronically ill, it changes your relationships.  You begin to assess every relationship based on loyalty, understanding and support.   Well…understanding a chronic illness is difficult especially when it’s invisible.  Most people cannot understand what they can’t see.  This sets them up to fail.  Unfortunately it is up to you whether or not you allow them to experience your vulnerability.  You will have those relationships that will hold you up without you needing to ask and you will have some where asking for the support is a perquisite to receiving it.   You will meet someone who you bond with immediately and some you can’t fucking stand at  just one glance.  You absolutely will have loved ones who will need to hear how you are every day, and some that can’t deal with your pain. 

  This is life, take it at face value.  I have many friends that only have to look into my eyes and know that I am full of shit about my pain and many that have no clue.  Although… I do have to acknowledge that every single person that I have allowed into my life would have my back… all I have to do is ask.  They would do anything for me and love me in their way.  

You cannot get through life without love, support, and acceptance.   You cannot deal with your disease alone.   If you were to assess your relationships in this exact moment… who’s got your back? Who would stand for you?   Who would march for you?  If you can name one… one can be enough.   If it isn’t… find them.